… Stories of My Mind …

Over the last month or more, it’s been full on - there has been so many things going on, so many things to do but simply not enough hours in the day for them. I am seriously lacking sleep, but still, I am up for doing all these things. I should rest, but not yet.

Except for the wind, it was a beautiful day yesterday - we had a competition at Darling Harbour. We started off very average, people didn’t seem like they were focused, we weren’t pulling hard enough. It’s almost like we take a few hours to get our minds to it - and when we do, we do so well. We won our last heat against some of the teams that had beat us in our first heat. And we won by a few seconds of which was pretty significant given the mechanics of rowing.

I left before the finals because I had prior appointments. Besides, there is another race next Sunday - and that one more serious than the one that had just passed.

The Food & Wine Festival was fantastic - I had so much food - well, a lot of dessert. Still currently bloated from all the food I had. After that, went shopping - and with itchy fingers, bought more clothes and shoes. No, it wasn’t on sale, and yes, that meant I bought it full price. And yes, I have been told off.

After a long day of hard work, I decided to take a nap when I got home. As I was about to fall asleep - my phone rang. I picked it up and it was the ex.

I was taken by surprise - I had previously been screening his calls because I didn’t want to take them. Recently I had not taken them because I have been too busy. Yesterday I had taken his call because I was indifferent.

We talked, mostly about work - since we work in the same industry. It’s amazing how life turns out to be - and I’m in a good place right now. Things are plodding along just fine, been so busy I hardly have enough time to sit around and bum, but it’s good, and I’m happy. Whislt my girl friends plot against avenging his sins, that is certainly not something that I am going to do - because the past is just that - the past. And I am happy for it to just stay there.

“Indifference is not the opposite of love, hate is.”

Recent Private Equity (PE) action: PBL selling its media stake; KKR attempting to buy Coles Myer; Flight Center to be back in private hands; DVC sold off; not to mention all the Macquarie Bank and Babcock & Brown funds. The rationale most often than not being that the PE guys will gear up the thing, “re-structure”, then flog it back on the market. Back in university, we had also learnt that PE and M&A were mechanisms to punish underperforming managers - and we see that now - companies of which have underperformed are more likely to be bought out (note CML - though it wasn’t actually bought out).

Working through The World is Flat (yes, still working through it after some three months) - Friedman discusses how China is able to grow at lightning speed because it now has a political system of which allows its leaders to set long term targets and change its dynamics the way it needs to, without interference (note here the birth control, education, property policies amongst various others) - and I liken this to the rationale for PE - where similarly, PE managers bring the business in privately, and without the “prying” eyes of shareholders, turn the company around.

Friedman’s point is that the current political system in the US is hindering the effective growth of its economy and of its people - by being over protective, and in protection of interests of those few and not necessarily of the whole. The somewhat ironic conclusion I draw out of this - PE is borne by the wonders of free-market economics / capitalism - which is the opposite, really, of communism. Yet in this case, each work the same way - set a target and work through it.

Not being an advocate of communism (note North Korea), I am only to point out that there isn’t a right system - it is at the end of the day under the directive of people “at the top”, and should those misuse that power - no matter how good the intention it was for that system, it will still fail.

This is an example much closer to home (for me) - yet it had not lead to the desired outcome - instead it had shifted power to the few, legalized blatant racism, and created unjust for the minorities. The “system” had failed. I for one, am disappointed and see so little opportunity should I ever have to return. They really should have just left it to free-market economics - and let the form of efficient capital allocation do its work.

What was it that Deng Xiao Ping said: “Doesn’t matter black cat or white cat, so long as it catches mice”…

Heck, so long as I make money out of the worst performing stock - who cares?

Went to a cocktail event at Cargo on Wednesday night - as the night proceeded along I started to realize that the ratio of men to women was something like 1:3 - it was amazing. For the average male he was surrounded by two chicks and for the occasional good looking male he would be surrounded by four chicks. We’re not talking average chicks either - these were slim, good looking, well maintained chicks.

Then I looked at myself - I came straight from work - so I had work clothes on (i.e. a dark grey skirt with a black top). I didn’t look bad, but I certainly could not compete with these girls who were nicely preped for this - make up, hair done, dresses, heels. I was amazed - it was a Wednesday night, where and how did these girls manage this? They had either 1) came straight from home 2) went home to change 3) brought something into work to change into - either way, it was either sad, or way too much effort for me to bother.

As the night went on and with some of my eavesdropping skills, some of these girls weren’t exactly employed. Some were still studying, and some were just plainly unemployed.

My point here is this - relatively to the population of females whom were present - I would be much too boring. There I was, past 7pm, straight from work (after a 12 hour day, mind you) - intent on having a good time and maybe meet some new people. But amongst the densely populated crowd, and with people with much more leisurely lives, I can’t see how my occupation of an investment analyst is going to thrill possibly any audience of mine.

Not that there is anything wrong with leisurely lives - I certainly wish that was the case with mine! I just didn’t realize how many people in town had such lives. The night was so ad hoc for me - I didn’t even know I was making a presence till the evening, whilst some would have planned it. And if I keep not making an effort, I certainly do not stand a chance in this town!

Thankfully, I am happy not wanting to make too much effort about it. The best nights are still those of which you plan least for.

Yes, my mate and I ended up going for sugar hits - it made it all worthwhile despite not involving men. It’s great how simple and enjoyable things can be.

Albert Einstein once said:

Out of clutter, find simplicity
From discord, find harmony
In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity

I was very taken by that when I read it this morning. It made me sit back and think for a bit. It was the concept of seeing through things - being able to take a deep breath and come out of the tough moments with a smile on your face because you know that life is precious, that it’s worth it and the tough times, it’s temporary so long as you want it to be.

Caught up with a girlfriend tonight - she was the one who was on the other side of the line when I was crying on the detergent aisle of my local supermarket after the ex had decided to let his conscience slip. It’s amazing how long ago that felt like, and yet how short it really was (4 months).

For the moment, I am happy. I do what I like to do, whenever I want to, where ever I want to. I work the hours I want to, I say whatever I do, and yes, some times I do stupid things (okay more often than not) - but at least it’s all up to me.

And that’s the way I like it.

Currently talk to Jane again, but with some forced control - it’s not as enjoyable anymore - I quite like yakking about random stuff, but now I feel so “proper”.

I do, I do, I really do.

I was on my way home from another random night and the only person I wanted to talk to was Jane. But I dared not call.

Currently on my way to bed.

So yesterday, we had an overseas broker who brought a corporate to town, so the guys from work decided to do a couple of drinks with the brokers at night. We camped out at Aurora Bar. It started off like this - I was going to have at most two beers, then go home and do some grocery shopping since, you know, I have no food at home.

On the way out of the bar before 9pm, I bumped into someone who I used to work with - but he’s since left and recently started working with a new broker, so had a couple more beers with this other broker. It was strange - because I had previously interviewed there, and one of the guys that I had interviewed with was present. He came into our office to broke to us once, and it felt weird - I could have been his employee, but now I am his client. It’s great!

So, getting back to this random Tuesday night drinks. I met this other dude who was a mate of one of the brokers there - he works on the buy side too, and upon chatting, realized that we had been introduced two weeks ago at my colleague’s birthday party (and of course I couldn’t remember given how good, eh-hm, bad, my memory is). We (him, his broker mate and I) left the other brokers to find another spot to drink (we ended up at the oh-so-classy joint of Establishment - okay I am being very sarcastic) - don’t ask me why I decided to go with them, considering that I don’t actually know them.

We ended up getting food at Golden Century since it was 11pm and pretty much all the restaurants around the area were closed. After all this alcohol and then some more wine, apparently these guys were good mates with the colleague from work, however, the colleague had made out with the broker’s girl, well before they were an item. Gist is basically your friend making out with this girl / guy who you’ve wanted to marry since forever. Ouch. This broker’s stopped calling my colleague to broke to him.

The lesson for me here is this - never date someone from this industry because:

1. It’s incentrous
2. Everyone will know of all your trials and tribulations
3. You will burn your bridges

So, this Tuesday night - the plan was to do some quiet grocery shopping, ended up drinking heaps with three different sets of people, and ended up finding out more than I need to know about these personal tribulations of a colleague. It was a little awkward for me this morning when my colleague mentioned that his mate (not the dude with the girl issue) emailed to tell him he’s met me last night.

Not to mention the pain I was in when I had to force myself to wake up at 630am, drag my sorry arse into the office with a double shot of cappucino in one hand. I must have looked feral because the first things the guys asked were - “Did you party hard last night!? You warrior!!”

… and then having to sit through a whole day of company presentations - by the third hour I almost promised myself I am no longer drinking another drop of alcohol.

Almost.

Currently waiting for the washing machine to finish so I can go to bed!!

So, as you know, I have been reading. One of the books that I’m attempting (still) is Thomas Friedman’s The World is Flat. I’ve been attempting this book for the last few months - don’t get me wrong - it is a fantastic book, and I am still at it, but it’s a heavy, and a long read. The stuff in it is so good, I want to spend time dwelling on the stats that he’s provided, the case studies he’s drawn upon, and the solutions he’s suggesting.

I haven’t quite yet finished, but one of the things I’ve recently read up to is how the US government has cut its research and science budget (to channel more funds for “the war against terrorism”) over the last few years. What Friedman suggests is this - instead of cutting research budget to fund defense, that the US should instead channel more funds towards research - finding the alternative for oil - and this would therefore cut the world’s (and let’s not forget that the US is still the largest user of oil per capita) reliance on oil, because oil is ultimately the commodity of which funds the activity of terrorists. It’s such a simple solution, and everyone wins - the environment, people the world over, less violence, and finally, no sky rocketing oil price. Come on, let’s face it, oil is a finite resource, and people (i.e. OPEC) is greedy - we need to find an alternative.

Getting back to the point, the solution is simple enough, isn’t it? It is such a pity that it isn’t implemented - simply because the result of research is not immediately tangible. I am an advocate of education - and I agree with Friedman when he suggested that everyone should have the opportunity to go to college. And I’m not agreeing with him just because I hold a degree, but because I really do see the value in it, even though most of the time I joke about how big of a waste it was bumming around at the Quad or skipping classes or clubbing like it was going out of fashion - but there really were things you learn in college that helped with seeing the world in “the bigger picture”.

The great thing about the Bush Administration failing to implement more internationally accomodating / competitive policies is that it gives emerging economies time to catch up - but the world’s population loses as a whole. Maybe the way democracies work are not exactly the most efficient nor effective method - Bush was elected into government afterall. But I am optimistic - there is still hope - afterall, the author is an American, and he sees the changing ways of the world - that power no longer lay with one nation. Hopefully the US still start seeing that and open itself up more as it had harped on to the rest of the world.

Currently listening to Justin Timberlake’s FutureSex / LoveSounds  - oh-so-pop but man do I love that song SexyBack

Boris & Natasha - the two beautiful cats that we met and took care of when his friends were away on holiday.

A dozen of red roses, and two dozens of pink roses that he once surprised me with.

The soothing massages I used to get after training.

Jimbaran, Alio, Ubud, the little Indian shop at Surry Hills - some of the many restaurants we tried out.

The trash he used to take out, the telling off I used to get for my mess at home, for the amount of clothes I have, not to mention the amount of money I spent on them.

The person I called for any little thing.

The watch on my wrist - he bought that for me as surprise for my birthday.

The noodles that lacked flavor that he used to cook for me when I was home late.

Having someone that I once thought understood me.

The cross road that we always used to stop and kiss.

My hands of which he used to clasp in his.

The spot on my bed next to mine of which he used to occupy.

He who seemed then to be the world to me, and now is only but a very distant memory, and even then, with some bad taste in the mouth.

Currently listening to JET’s Shine On

I had an issue with my friend. Let’s call my friend Jane for the purpose of this posting.

Jane, is a rock to me. Jane was there through the last few months when I was at my lowest and was patient as I slowly dripped through every whinge, every self pity I had, and kicked my arse at the right time, telling me off when I needed to hear it from someone. I credit Jane for one of the people who brought me out of it. I had always said Jane was a fantastic person and that Jane deserved the best.

I had not known Jane long, but we got along well, or so I thought - we would invite each other to different things and because we were both single, I thought we were out there just to have fun, and do stuff - since it seems like most of the population had coupled up and left us singles to populate the bar and clubs and whatever else have you.

Recently though, Jane has been a little less friendly and a little moody. I knew Jane was always moody, but Jane’s started to not reply emails, or in a delayed fashion. Jane’s dogged me a few times on appointments, that’s fine, I understand. Maybe I’m just too embarassing to bring out, so Jane’s stopped inviting me to anything. Being slightly on the slow side, I kept on inviting Jane to different things that I wanted to do or was doing.

So I brought up my issue with Jane and asked why all this moodiness and unfriendliness and coldness - was there something I did? Jane said nothing in particular, but that I was crowding Jane with my contact and attempts.

I was disappointed and hurt - I had thought we were better friends than that - better friends than people who talked on a superficial level. I treated Jane like any other good friend of mine, I would call if I wanted to talk to them (like I said, Jane was my rock and helped me rationalized things) or if I had nothing to do and wanted to do something. I would always encouraged them to do the best they can at anything, always with their best interest at heart, and always be there for them if and when they ask me to.

There isn’t a thing I can do now. I am sorry that Jane perceived my friendship that way. I certainly did not intend that to be so. Things were tough a few months ago, but I am happy now, and I don’t want to go back to being unhappy again, for whatever reason, I don’t want to stop the way I am now. I still have so much love for Jane, I still appreciate everything Jane had done for me over the past few months, and I would always have a soft spot for Jane, would be there any time Jane asks. But until then, we’ll leave Jane alone.

Currently listening to The Killers’ Sam’s Town - absolutely awesome

My back is in so much pain from rowing I have to try and remember what was it that made me love it so much that I go back every time (maybe I am a sucker for pain).

I am so not going to be able to get out of bed in the morning…

It’s going to be a couple of busy weeks ahead! Friend visiting, hopefully it’s a beautiful, sunny weekend - definitely need to head out to the beach. Either way we’ll be fine-dining - love the stuff. Lots of meeting next week - it’s going to be a busy week at work.

Currently stoked with the pace of life.