… Stories of My Mind …

Been busy recently, as per usual, don’t really know what. Was away last week for a business trip to Singapore / KL - it sound glamourous, but man, was it hectic. Spent Saturday with family on Saturday before flying back that evening. My brother (younger than I) came out for drinks with my girl friends and colleague - I had some difficulty dealing with the fact that he’s all grown up now, that I have to start treating him like an adult rather than just a younger brother. He came out with us again the following night - we had a great time.

Arrived back in Sydney (home!) early Sunday morning, had a quick power nap and met with my friend to do the rounds at Bondi - Coogee for Sculptures by the Sea. It was an absolutely beautiful day, just what a day to be home. The crowds got on my nerves a little, but the beauty of the waters was a good enough trade off. Check out my photos (I apologize for the lack of captions, and that my photos are a little over exposed - a bit rusty with the technical skills with my camera):

The Art of Being a Lemon - This week I’ve spent a little time at work trying to not feel like a lemon. There has been a few times when the principal asked me something and I went blank: “Ummmmm…“. And my colleague was right, there is nothing too difficult about it, so I have set myself the task of being more prepared. I certainly would like to be good at this job - I like it enough to want to be.

Nothing much to complain about - still living in peace. A few little blips and bumps here and there, but generally a whole lot of beautiful, serene, very okay sort of peace.

Currently watching the cricket - how well are we doing!?! YEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

This is the first Sunday that I have had the chance to spend some time at home. After spending some time at the Wollahra Oval at Rose Bay watching some auditors (not my crowd!!) play cricket, and then chilling out in the sun, I came home and got started with some cleaning. Not spending much time at home the past month meant my apartment looked like a complete dump. A mate of mine came over to cook and when her brother complimented my living room, I was very proud, but if only they had seen it a couple of hours earlier.

Catching up with my mate, I found myself telling her that, yes, maybe I shouldn’t be saying that I am ”happy” - as that sounds like some sort of circular re-inforcement. I told her that I was just plain “okay” - okay with life, okay with work, okay with everything. Re-reading my last post - what I meant with “okay”, was actually just peace. Things are no longer complicated - and I like that.

Caught up with some ML people on Thursday night of which further affirmed how big of an ass my ex-boss is. Glad I’ve left the place. Hopped off to see some girlfriends (and some friends of theirs of which they had met on an overseas trip) afterwards - had a great night, till late - it was strange because I didn’t actually drink very much (body is a temple, body is a temple) but stayed out till about 2am. Sydney gets boring past 11pm - nothing good was open then, so we resorted to Establishment (again).

One thing I found myself doing was discounting good looking men - I didn’t realize that I did it till that night. I completely discounted one of the guys we were with, and upon a conversation - found that he was indeed quite smart. Maybe it didn’t take that much to impress me, but he certainly made it. I wish I could tell you that I was interested, but it’s a pity that he doesn’t live here, or in fact, really, anywhere (okay, I was interested, but I couldn’t do much).

Friday night I dined with a few uni mates - it was a good catch up - I don’t think I spend enough time with these people whom I love so dearly. We laugh so much, and ate too. I had intended it to be a short night - but had to make an appearance at an ex’s drinks because his friend had my U2 tickets. I haven’t seen him in a while - maybe it’s just to my notice, but he certainly changed. Talking to some of his friends, I came to the realization that despite him having “confessed” to all the lies, that there were certainly still lies aplenty that he had not confessed too. It may have had more of an impact if I had cared, but I don’t think I did. After an hour and 2 light drinks I hopped off after picking up my tickets.

Saturday was an absolutely beautiful day to be rowing. We achieved a new best time for one of the endurance exercises (stoked!). Over lunch at the fish markets, some one mentioned to me that I had an interesting reputation - a 23 going on 30yo dominatrix - hey, what can I do about it if the boys like getting whipped? I can’t be wrong if other people can’t be right!

U2 on Saturday night was absolutely amazing. We had the mosh pit tickets, were not too far from the stage and could see the band from time to time (though I have to mention that after standing for 5 hours straight I was getting a little grumpy). I was a little surprised that I got emotional - I had tears when I still haven’t found what I’m looking for and Stuck in a moment you can’t get out of came on, then again with With or without you. These darn tears - they just wouldn’t got away!! I had listened to U2 growing up, since middle school - and this was the first time I was watching them live. The good times, the bad times, the times I wondered - all those times just came flooding back. It was a great show, and as expected, Bono was political, and inspirational. I only hope his message, be it marketing gimmick or not (I choose to be optimistic), gets through to the wide audience that listen to his music.

… and that was how I ended up with a peaceful Sunday. I have yet to start filling up my suitcase - hopping off for a business trip. Maybe I will just pack tomorrow…

Peace out my dears.

Things have been a little hectic lately - I’ve barely had enough time to rest. I don’t know why exactly I have been so busy, I think it might just be something to do with having Christmas around the corner. Looking at my calendar, the past six weeks have been full on, day on day. Last week I have had drinks, birthdays and wedding on (oh, and let’s not forget the shopping - I bought two beautiful Charlie Brown dresses). Another two weeks to go and I get a rest.

Had to call up the ex yesterday to make some arrangements. That got me a little blue (don’t worry, that didn’t linger around for too long). I just felt that way because I miss the company - I miss bumming around with that someone, just being comfortable. Things recently have been going well, and I miss having an outlet to “share”. Thank god for this blog else I’d explode.

I am definitely best and happiest around people. Maybe that’s why I keep myself busy. Things just seem to be easier when there are people around me. I don’t think I am afraid of being alone - but maybe I just enjoy talking a whole lot.

I caught myself thinking about things going forward. For most times, I am just wandering, and whilst wandering, do the best I could with what I am certainly not wandering with. But, just like Tolkien said, I may wander, but I’m not necessarily lost. Some things still seem so bright.

Funny that, it doesn’t seem like I have that much to say anymore… Think I may have found some sort of peace.

I am tired, but feeling better than I have had in a long time.

Work, is great. Doing my first business trip in a few weeks and I am excited, despite it actually being a lot of work. Started arranging for meetings today and it’s definitely going to be hectic - but I know this is only just the beginning of something good. I’m getting more motivated as I progress along - and more confidence in what I do, instead of being constantly overwhelmed before.

Knee is still a bit iffy, but I am doing what I can to maintain the level of fitness. Haven’t been doing any running (well, except for the sporadic dash one or two blocks down the road since I am getting itchy feet) in vain hope that the knee is going to heal ASAP. Happy with the rowing - things seems to be easier this season. Most importantly, happy with the body - a lot more energized, and taking less time for recovery.

Social life is plodding along just fine - I haven’t exactly had time to rest. This past month or so have been so full on that I haven’t had the time to take a breather and do some “me” time. There suddenly seems like there are so many things to do, so many people to catch up with - that there simply just isn’t enough hours in the day to fit it all in. The next few weeks are still packed - I am looking at my calendar and I sure hope that I will have enough in the tank!

The mind, is doing great at the moment. I have come to being my own person again - gotten back my self-confidence, sense of humour, and motivation. There are plenty of things not within our control, but yet there are so many that are. Things are always what we want to make out of it - we have so many opportunities that are solely up to us to embark upon - we’ve been so lucky all along. I feel empowered, I know I could be whatever it is that I want to. I know that it is what I choose to do - never what others make me do. It is my life, it is my choice, I know the consequences, and I am taking them, because they are mine.

Boys, will remain boys. I have stopped really taking an interest because at this moment - it is simply not worth my time. I refuse to allow a boy treat me less than I am worth - because I know I am a good deal (and a damn good deal I am). I refuse to put up with boys who are less than intelligent and I certainly will not put up with boys who underperform. Boys who don’t know what they want is off my list too. Time is precious, things should be easy, let’s get on the get go and do whatever it is that makes us happy. I suppose that means I should look for a man rather than a boy. Going by the males I have met recently - none of them would make the cut. Do you see where I am going with this?

The future, is clearer now. Sure, there is going to be some pain (CFA 3, possibly bad stock call, leaving Sydney eventually, etc etc), but for the moment it seems like the good times will over come the bad times, and I get a tinge that there is likely to be more upside surprise than downside. What is there to lose, really, when you’re at the beginning of it all?

Nada.