… Stories of My Mind …

I was looking for an email today, and ended up looking through a bunch of emails from the last ex.

The truth is, I miss him. Well, not him, but it. Whatever it was that I thought we had. I miss knowing that someone understood me, that someone knew where I wanted to go and was happy to steer with me. I miss knowing that there was someone who could be completely honest with the way I am, knowing that someone wanted me whatever way I was. I miss it that he didn’t leave just because I was horrible one day.

It’s a pity though, that the person that I knew and loved never really existed.

But I am going to start a dialogue again, well, a real one this time.

Currently watching Cutting Edge on SBS.

“That’s the thing with you, it’s way too hard for you to hide your emotions”

A friend of mine mentioned that to me today whilst we were chatting away. It is true, I don’t hide my emotions. When I am frustrated, angry, disappointed, I know people know it. Just like how when I am happy, thrilled and excited.

But what’s so bad with being expressive anyway? It’s not like I am emotional in terms of decision making - in fact, I am quite rational and practical. So much so that I usually amaze myself with how heartless I can be with myself and not quit even when the tough gets painful.

Why should we lie about our emotions? Isn’t the first step to healing is by accepting its existence? Should we not be proud of who we are, of our achievements and our failures (so long as we don’t make the same mistake trice)? Why do we need to be complicated by not saying what we think or feel, and inhibiting ourselves? Isn’t it just easier to be simple, and just be disappointed when we are, to just be happy when we are? There isn’t actually anything wrong with being happy or sad. It’s simply an emotion. And it is only human to have emotions.

Being strong is being happy with who you are, how you are and standing up for all that you are. It’s not about hiding the person that you are and trying to be someone you are not. We change all the time, and even for that change we should stand up for, but never be ashame of who you are… currently.

Currently wondering when I should be studying.

Staying home on a Saturday night because my weekend plans have faltered. And I could watch TV, but I rather it shut - instead I quite like the voice of James Morisson blaring on my stereo. And I know I should clean the apartment, since I made excuses the last time I was supposed to clean it, but I am way too tired today.

Spent the day dragon boat racing at Darling Harbour today. Usually one would do at most 4 or 5 races but I ended up with 7 races since the team was a bit short. Don’t think my arms have been this sore in a long while. For the day, I suppose we did well, given how we’re a small team, and how only half the team comes to training regularly. I was a little disappointed but I think that’s  more to do with me wanting us to come up with better results given how much effort I had put into it this season. But at the end of the day, it’s a team sport.

Was supposed to head to Jervis Bay after but I was darn tired, and it was a three hour train ride arriving at 840pm. Weighing in the positives and the negatives I decided the offer of my home was a lot more attractive at that point considering that it started pouring. Looking out my window now, it’s storming…

And that’s how I ended up here, sitting on my couch, seriously chilling to the music. I think the next CD I should put on is Coastal Chillout.

So, in essence, this is a blog about nothing at all. I could get more political, but I’m lazy (those pieces take a lot of research, you know). And I could whinge, but I am way to tired right now (No whingeing? Me? *shock* *horror*). So, just chilling. And that is quite good to do, chilling at home. Definitely too under-rated.

Should do this more often…

Currently chowing down on my new favorite ice-cream - Sara Lee’s Caramel & Pecan. Yummmmm…

I recently started using this scent that I haven’t used in ages, and when ever I catch whiffs of it, it brings me back…

… brings me back to the good times, the bad times, times when I was…

… brings me back of times past…

Some things, when you desperately search for them, are lost. You can never quite be who you were before without having been through all that you just had. I just am, you just are. Right now. There are some things that go hand in hand, and there are some that don’t.

Reminiscing of times past, is only of times past. You can’t spend all that time chasing the person that you were. Maybe some times we need to accept that we have changed.

Afterall, what’s so bad about meeting someone new?

~ Hi there. It was nice to meet you. Now, it’s really nice to meet you. ~

Did you know that more than 80% of shoes imported in the US is from China?

It’s clear that China manufacture a lot of the world’s clothes, shoes, TVs, DVD players, underwear, socks, furniture, optical equipment etc. It’s also fairly clear that this being one of the reason, the prices we pay for these things have gradually (rapidly for some) fallen.

Over the last few years, over a few conversations, I get the impression that many people think that goods with the tag “Made in China” meant that it is cheap and of low quality. Recently, whilst in Tasmania, my guide said that he has had to wear another brand of boots because the one that he usually wears has closed up shop here and started manufacturing in China. It made me wonder if being made in China itself really had the effect of lowering the quality of goods.

Let’s take clothes as an example. Raw materials remain the same - I mean, lycra and cotton in China is equivalent to those in the US, Indonesia, Mexico, Poland, right? So it can’t be raw materials being the weakest link. The next key ingredient - labour. If you had to sew two pieces of cloth together using a sewing machine, I would imagine the thread you had to use, where you had to sew, and the sewing machine itself, is already pre-specified. I doubt that these workers would have had the choice of which thread to use on which cloth, to maybe, you know, mix it up a little. (Though I have to admit I have not had the opportunity to visit a factory)

The last of this, I think, is quality control. If someone had sewn up a piece of clothing that is sub-par, it should have been stopped here so that it does not get out to the consumer market. And I think a lot do get stopped here. The trouble may have been that some gets leaked out and sold in the gray / black market.

Going back to the main question - are goods made in China really of low quality then? It makes me think that maybe the process itself failed when it came to quality control. That’s why we see so many fake LVs, Chloe bags, GAP jeans and others on the streets and markets of China, Hong Kong and further afield.

Another point though, that I thought of, was all the way back to the design itself. Does not a Company XYZ in originating market make a design, specify the fabric and other detailed instructions to a manufacturer? If a shirt loses its shape in the wash isn’t it because of the fault of the specification of the fabric? This also led me to think, if a Company XYZ is out to exploit cheap Chinese labor, of which I’d think is to lower costs, could it also skip out on more expensive materials to ensure lower costs and cheaper goods?

My gym wear are those that get the worse treatment from me. I wear them frequently, chuck them in a quick and rough wash, then in the dryer (which I hate as it has greater tendency to create most damage). The last time I checked, they had Nike’s typical “Made in China” tags on them. And all of them are still fine, still have enough elasticity for me to do my work out in.

Apparently China’s dominance in manufacturing is weakening, with gradual shift to neighbouring countries. Does this mean we can expect better quality goods?

I’m just not convinced that all Chinese made goods are of low quality. Just sounds like a way to be myopic to me.

Made a trip real down under to Tasmania (affectionately known as “Tassie”) earlier in the year - and below are some mementos of which I came back with.

Some explanations:

Tasmania is an island state in Australia, located at the very south eastern end of Australia. It was originally named Van Diemen’s land after the sponsor of the explorer Abel Tasman who discovered it. A large area of Tasmania is under some form of reserve (the guide mentioned 60%), so there is a lot of nature to explore. It is one of the most historic sites in Australia because of Port Arthur, of which was a convict settlement between 1833 - 1850. The site was chosen because it is surrounded by water, making it difficult to escape.

Some of the places that I visited include:

• Hobart: is the capital city. Very pretty, but not much to do. It is however, very close to nature, sitting right on the coast and surrounded by mountains.
• Wineglass Bay, Freycinet: is apparently recommended by Americans as one of the best beaches in the world. And it is.
• Bicheno: is a very small coastal town, where there is a popular “fairy” penguin tour.
• Bay of Fires: is also a very beautiful beach - especially after we made a 3 hour hike to get there - but it was worth its while.
• Natureworld: a wildlife park where we saw the devils, the wombats and also the ostrich, among others.
• Cradle Mountain: which I think is the highlight of my whole trip. The place is absolutely fantastic despite a rough 3 hour hike. The from Marion’s lookout was way beyond my expectation. I am definitely heading back to Cradle Mountain for the 5-day Overland Track.
• Strahan: is a beautiful seatown that caters only for tourists.
• Lake St Clair: which is at the southern end of the Overland Track. The place is serene, and couldn’t be any calmer even with the terrible weather.
• Henty Dunes, near Ocean Beach: I was told that the winds blow from South America without stopping anyway to arrive in Tasmania, and hence all the rainfall on the West Coast. Ocean Beach is a long stretch of a beach, protected by sand dunes. Here I managed to emotionally bribe a kid into lending me his body board to board down one of the dunes. (It was a lot of fun!!)
• Queenstown: is now a dead, and now rough, mining town. The mountains are scarred by the mining that took place before. (Scenery is completely different from Queenstown in NZ)
• Mt Wellington, Hobart: strangled with boredom in the capital city (population of 200k only, mind you), I decided to hike up Mt Wellington to capture some good views of Hobart. And if not for the heavy mist and then a thunderstorm that I got trapped in on the way up, I might as well have. Thank god for some brave downhill bikers who was kind enough to give me a ride down the mountain.

The weather, whilst warmer than usual, was not fantastic when I was there - mostly overcast or rained. But hopefully you will still get a good sense of Tassie from these photos. Do enjoy (best viewed with broadband).

Did you know that there are no termites in Tasmania? This is the reason why there are so many dead trees down under.

This album is powered by BubbleShare - Add to my blog

I firstly have to claim that I am not a finance whiz. More than happy to bow down to a fund manger with plenty of experience and listen and respect their thoughts and opinions.

So today, I was chatting to a friend of mine. I made the comment that the markets are pretty bad today - HSBC, of which carry a large weight on the Hang Seng Index, came through with an unusual profit downgrade on back of a worse than expected US market. Bad loans provision are set to increase ~20% or so, feeding down to the bottomline. The news obviously had repercussions - weak US markets always have an effect on Asian markets - the US is only the largest economy in the world, not to mention that most of the Asian exports head that way. The stock opened gapping down today (thank god we didn’t like the stock and were not long).

He in turn asks me shouldn’t we have hedged. And we went into a debate about hedging. I made the statement that we don’t hedge all our positions - because there is a cost to hedging, and if you did hedge all your positions, that you can’t call your positions with high conviction, and that our investors would be pretty disappointed. You can’t always sit on the fence. Fair enough to say that we have a put option on the Hang Seng, which saved us today (performance today was pretty flat, compared to a declining market).

Discussion and constructive expressions I do not mind. But when he came back with asking me whether I could impart with more of my wisdom, in what I interpreted as a sarcastic manner, I was a little annoyed. He could indeed be a finance whiz, after having gone through a much more rigorous finance degree than I did, not to mention him having worked in banking and I didn’t - his academic creditials obviously tops mine by miles. But to my irritation he was being demeaning rather than friendly.

And for the first time it got to me why people call them investment wankers. I have always defended them - because these were my friends and people whom I thought I knew. How is it that they could think that they know everything? That they may not possibly be wrong? Not even when it came to things they have not had experience in?

Maybe it is true, that big money does get into people’s heads. I conciously make a very big effort to be as sane, and as down to earth as possible - to not view myself as any different to anyone else, because I am not. And neither are they. Confidence, is one thing, arrogance is another. Then making others feel bad about themselves, that is out of line. It reminds me of the reason I left ML. I hate being a mean, but some people need to be broken.

Or maybe I am just very tired today, and have over re-acted. He is an extremely good friend of mine, so I can’t really think of a reason why he would want to make me feel smaller than I already try to be. And I will continue to defend him should there be a need.

Remembering the book When Genius Failed  by Roger Lowenstein

I am not generally anti-America (I am partially American educated, after all), but everytime I read some article about some senator in the US calling China to do something I get really annoyed.

I think it was John McCain who recently said that he would like to see a stronger Yuan. Hold on a second, it’s the current Yuan value that has given consumers in the US cheap notebooks, clothes and shoes. The audacity to say that he’d like to see? And to be honest, the reason why Americans lose their jobs is not solely due to the cheaper Yuan. What about the huge current account deficit (7% of GDP, mind you)? What about the lack of competitiveness of its labor? And maybe he should check the value of the Yuan - it has been appreciating.

How is it possible that protectionist policies will benefit a nation? US for such a long time, called for China to open its gates. And so it did when it joined the WTO. But it too, needs to ensure the peace of its own nation, that its people are fed. If China did everything US wanted it to do, it probably end up in the gutter.

And who said US had all the rights to space? Just because someone else did not have the capability before does not mean that it should forever dominate.

And what gives the US the right to hike to Beijing to deliver a message and then expect China to be appreciative?

And the Yuan has appreciated. Americans, go home and do your homework. Fix up the economic mess at home then tell others about policy.

So I have always known I have been somewhat lucky - partying all through uni and somehow managed to graduate and get a job; turn up to things unprepared and still managed to have a great time; surrounded by great family and friends… etc.

But two recent events have made me realize that maybe I should stop and dwell on them a little.

Lucky Event 1: Getting stuck in a thunderstorm at Mount Wellington, Hobart.

  I haven’t been this scared in a long time. I kept myself from panicking, kept myself calm, and kept telling myself that I was going to be fine, to be aware of where my feet was landing, beware of the slippery slopes and rock surfaces. I ran as fast as I could (and I couldn’t really run since it was steep and slippery), trying to ignore the thunders that were sounding everywhere around me. Half my mind was pre-occupied with how that thunder might strike me, how cold it was, how I might slip and fall, how no one knows I’m here. The other half was trying to counter that, calm myself down. When I eventually found some bikers who were willing to help me and give me a ride (all the back to my hotel, in fact), I couldn’t believe my luck. It took me awhile to get to grips as to what had happened, and that it was not a dream afterall.

Lucky Event 2: Losing my wallet on Friday night, and having it delivered to my door Sunday morning.

  After a one-day cricket match and eight hours of drinking with boys, I took a cab home, paid the driver, and proceeded back to my apartment and went straight to bed. The next morning as I prepared to leave home for the cruise, I couldn’t find my wallet. And my wallet has never been hard to find (it’s fat with all the receipts and other crap I’ve managed to accumulate). I stressed - I had never lost my wallet before. I cancelled my credit cards, at the back of mind calculating the amount of money I had managed to drop over one night of intoxicated carelessness, not to mention the trouble I will have to go through to get all my various cards back. But around me I had great friends, and especially one girlfriend who convinced me to continue on the cruise anyway - because, what else was I going to do? I had a great time, stressed less, and managed to relax in the sun. 
  Two minutes after I stepped through my door the next morning my door bell rang, and there was man asking if I had lost something. Two minutes before I had completely let go of the possibility of ever finding my wallet again. Now this man opens my wallet, checks my photo ID to make sure it was me, then hands it to me, telling me that he had found it at the bottom of the car seat as he cleaned his taxi. I almost hugged the man (and the only reason why I didn’t was because he was in a hurry to leave).

Whatever, and whoever it is out / up there that / who decides the faith of things, and the reason for the way things are, be assured that I will not take things for granted.

Crashed a friend of a friend’s birthday cruise - and it turned out to be a fantastic day on the water, despite me continuing my trend of being under prepared.

The sun was out, the water was glistening, another beautiful Sydney day. I wanted to be in the water, so I borrowed someone’s T-shirt, and jumped in the water, sans anything underneath. It’s a beatiful day - who cares?

Life is tough, I tell you, laying on the deck, meeting more new people over a couple more beers, watching topless boys messing around with the boat, time enjoyably slipping by. I can’t quite pin it down, but I think I am enjoying these sort of days.